Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Changes, inch by inch, wondering and wandering...

You might have noticed I changed my avatar. This is the basic image I put together: skull (from the halloween stuff that stays out/in process all year, rose, copper fabric, black velvet, and finally learning the macro function. Then I went into Flickr and added some text.
And then had darling hubby Dylan redo the same in graphic converter to split the text into two text boxes... Because I just had to have "designs" in script. Isn't it funny how sometimes an idea just sticks in your head? Nothing else will do. So now I'm pretty happy with it.It's a little spooky, a little girly, has two of my favorite colors – pink and copper (the copper fabric was from a shirt of mine - loved it but it was so itchy!). Having my photo as my avatar just felt too personal to me. And how I look is not me. I am definitely self-conscious about having my photo taken, my voice recorded... it never looks or sounds like me... to me. Apparently the image I have of myself in my head is quite different than the reality captured by technology. Will my avatar stay as the "Rose Skull"? Knowing me probably not for too long... there are too many sides of my personality that I want to express, already I see something missing in this image... there is no green...nothing growing, twining, looping, swirling... the silk rose is static, man-made, the flower of the rose, though, is its most transitory part. See how the contradictions abound in even the simplest things.

This post started in my head as wanting to be about blogging... why do I want to do this, put myself out there. Deryn Mentock recently posted about Artful Blogging and authenticity. My friend Tam also was raving about this issue so I had to get it at my Tuesday Barnes and Noble/Starbucks coffee stop (I will miss that now that my daughter's cheerleading is over).
I can't wait to sit, read, and absorb more of this fabulous magazine. I am hoping it will help me clarify what my goal is: personal exploration, self-promotion, documentation... all of the above. Someone on ArtFire wrote a nice post about reasons for blogging that I will try to link to here.

As I am working so hard on building a business, I want what I do to feel authentic to me. That means being eclectic – I don't think focusing on one product or even type of thing will work for me. That means not starting Twitter or Plurk- because I don't care what I have for breakfast, I can hardly be bothered to track my Weight Watchers points, why should you? The concept does intrigue me, however "Contradictions, again!" so I might change my mind. There are just so many options, choices, decisions, every minute of every day... Twisting, turning, spinning, hoping, dreaming, yearning... the circle never ends...

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