Friday, June 6, 2008

On my mind . . .

Just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Wow! I loved it and found her journey from pain and depression to be so inspiring, but . . . How many of us have the means to make an amazing, transformative physical and spiritual journey? How can I transform my interior life without "a huge effort?" As I write the answer comes, because you can't transform WITHOUT effort. Think of chickens hatching, caterpillars in their cocoons (Aeryn found one the other day) - all transformation requires work of some kind.

So, then the question is what do I need to do and where do I want to be? Art and gardens, chicks and beauty, kids, hubby, money. . . The seeds of a holistic life are there, some scattered and parched, but I think I've made some progress and I have learned so much (facts, info, goals, striving, planning, frustration, small successes). But still, there is a core of anger and discontent, and the occasional lapse into "Oh, I should just suck it up and get a real job!" Depression lurks, waiting for the weak moment to derail my self-esteem.

The outward pieces of a sustainable, artistic life need a stronger core of WHAT? Peace, balance, acceptance (a goal and a problem for me, it seems), God, spirit, selflessness, meditation.

What will work for me?

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